Know the Signs

(Domestic Violence)

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Signs of domestic violence can be difficult to recognize because of its diverse forms. Here is a way to help identify abuse.

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What are common signs your partner is being abusive in a relationship?

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• Keeps you from seeing or contacting your family and friends

• Takes and controls money, including refusing to give you money and how it’s spent

• Insults, shames you, or puts you down

• Controls all aspects of your life, including what you do, what you wear, and where you go

• Has unrealistic expectations, such as a partner has to be available at all times

• Threatens to take away or hurt your children

• Threatens to hurt or kill pets

• Denies abuse is happening or downplays it as a problem

• Plays mind games and places blame 

• Destroys property

• Forces you to use drugs or alcohol

• Intimidates you with guns, knives, or other weapons

• Shoves, slaps, chokes, and/or hits you

• Forces sexual acts on you against your will

• Threatens to commit suicide

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What are some common signs of each type of abuse?

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Any of these signs should alarm you that a relationship is abusive. A perpetrator does not need to use all of these actions to be an abuser—even one of these behaviors is a sign of domestic violence.

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Physical abuse

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• Hitting you

• Slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, and pulling hair

• Choking you or trying to suffocate you

• Stopping you from getting medical care

• Using weapons

• Forcing you to use alcohol or drugs

• Driving dangerously while you are in the car

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Sexual abuse

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• Holding you down during sex

• Forcing you to have sex or making you do other sexual acts you don’t want to do

• Forcing you to have sex after hurting you or when you are sick or tired

• Calling you sexual names or forcing you to dress in a certain way

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Emotional abuse

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• Name-calling or insulting you

• Acting jealous and not trusting you

• Humiliating you

• Making you question your perception of reality within a relationship by using terms like “That never happened” or “It’s all in your head”

• Cheating on you repeatedly and then blaming you for it

• Damaging your relationships with your children

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Economic abuse

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• Withholding access to your money

• Refusing to let you go to work or school

• Forcing you to mount up debt to hurt your credit

• Refusing you to use money on necessities like food and medical care

• Preventing you from viewing bank accounts

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Psychological abuse 

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• Intimidating you

• Isolating you from other people

• Threatening to harm people you care about

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Digital abuse

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• Controls your passwords

• Searches your phone often, including texts and calls

• Monitors you with any technology, such as a GPS

• Insults you in social media status updates

• Prevents you from deciding who can and cannot be your friends or followers on social media

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*Above information from joyfulheartfoundation.org

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Statistics:

Domestic violence spans gender, age, sexual orientation, and religion, and it affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. 

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• In the U.S., over 1 in 3 women experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 1

• In the U.S., about 1 in 3 men experienced sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime. 1

• 10% of women and 2.2% of men report having been stalked by an intimate partner. 1

• Data from US crime reports suggest that 16% (about 1 in 6) homicide victims are killed by an intimate partner. Nearly half of female homicide victims in the US are killed by a current or former male intimate partner. 2

 

Sources:
1. Smith, S.G., Zhang, X., Basile, K.C., Merrick, M.T., Wang, J., Kresnow, M., Chen, J. (2018). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2015 Data Brief – Updated Release. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
2. Cooper, A., & Smith, E. L. (2011). Homicide trends in the United States, 1980–2008. Washington, D.C.: Bureau of Justice Statistics. NCJ 236018. 6. Petrosky, E., Blair, J. M., Betz, C. J., Fowler, K. A., Jack, S., & Lyons, B. H. (2017). Racial and Ethnic Differences in Homicides of Adult Women and the Role of Intimate Partner Violence - United States, 2003-2014. MMWR. Morbidity and mortality weekly rep

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